The truth about anxiety...
The thing about anxiety.
It really believes it is protecting you.
When it fires up to full on force it’s like
“What the hell - THREAT’
These threats can be real, “a car is going to hit me and kill me” or imagined threats from past learned responses and narratives deeply buried from childhood or unpleasant relationship experiences etc, these manifest in thoughts like ”I’m doing such a terrible job at being a person”
Triggers are words that others can say to you which will trigger these buried narratives, and anthropological biological responses to threat, and erupt in anxiety or panic responses which can result in running away from the situation, hiding from it, or attacking it head on, sometimes in the heat of the moment saying things we might later regret.
Trigger response after the reaction, usually manifests in ongoing anger, or in tears.
Exhausting.
And it happens to all of us, at times of great stress.
So what to do?
After many years of working on this for myself through practises like mediation, hypnotherapy, cognitive behavioural therapy and family therapy - here’s what I have learnt, and here’s what I try to do… (disclaimer: doesn’t always work, but getting better)
Open up conversations with your family and friends, make your loved ones aware ‘these are my trigger narratives’ and hopefully everyone will have more understanding. Please don’t ridicule ‘triggers’ or use them against others, but treat them with kindness, respect and get to know them, show them compassion.
What you can do for yourself? Really listen, get to really know them and understand them. When a trigger happens, if you know it, you can be more ready for it.
Hopefully saying out loud to the people who love us “that is a real trigger for me and it’s making me feeling hugely anxious” will be enough for that other person to stop, realise and show compassion.
So we have to really hear ourselves, and really hear each other. Really hear. Take the time, understand each other, and protect each other, so anxiety doesn’t rule your life with massive panic responses.
I’m still learning, but I feel safer in the knowledge that I understand, and that I’m on route to hear what my inner self is saying, and that I can articulate that to others.
I also feel more open to understanding and hearing how I can help those around me with triggers, by not using them against them.
So when someone reacts badly, can you find the space to step back and ask why. And when you react badly, give yourself the space to stand back and ask why.
Then, well, if it’s someone you love, a cuddle eventually and a sorry will go a long way, that involves a self sorry and self cuddle too.
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